How to Deal with Criticism

Have a difficult time handling criticism? Join the club. Many women simply can’t bear to be told what they’re doing wrong. Are women wired to be sensitive to criticism or do we just need to take a second look at our relationship to this un-fun stuff?

Women’s leadership and well-being expert Tara Sophia Mohr offers these insights. 

Natural Vitality Living: You say don’t wait for praise or to be validated. Women tend to have a difficult time with criticism. We want everyone to approve of us. Why do we have such a difficult time with criticism?

Tara Sophia Mohr: A few reasons. Many women tend to be very relationship oriented. Being criticized by those we aim to make a connection with feels very painful. Plus, women have been socialized to not rock the boat, to be likable; so doing things that put us at risk of being criticized breaks deeply ingrained rules.

On an even deeper level, my sense is that women cope with living in a highly patriarchal world by trying to find safety and legitimacy through their own competence, through doing everything right.

NVL: Can you offer tips for dealing with criticism?

TSM: Yes. In my work with women, we focus on “unhooking from criticism”—dealing with it without getting emotionally hooked.

We also work on “unhooking from praise,” because dependence on praise is just as destructive to a woman’s playing big as avoiding criticism.

Some tips for dealing with criticism:

• Go to Amazon.com and read the 5-star and 0-star reviews of your favorite authors. Internalize the notion that anyone saying anything of significance is going to draw both criticism and praise.
• Pick a “criticism role model.” Whose thick skin do you really admire? Next time you find yourself afraid of criticism or thrown off by it, ask yourself what that person would do in the situation.
• Remember that feedback doesn’t tell you about you. It tells you about the person giving the feedback. This is a transformational idea people can learn more about here.

NVL: Tell us about the Goals Program that you offer on your website?

TSM: My goals guide is a free download from my website. You’ll get lessons on how to set the right kind of goals—the kind that you can find sustained motivation toward and sustained fulfillment from once you achieve them. You’ll also discover the big “why” behind your goals; and once you’ve discovered that, you can start getting what you really want in your life right away. Or, you can sign up for my 10 Rules for Brilliant Women workbook—another free download, here.